Today I wannabe...happy.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the Christmas rush that we forget to celebrate the “reason for the season” – Jesus.  God gave us his only son so that we might have everlasting life.  WOW!  I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that I could give up my son – only or otherwise – for a bunch of folks I don’t even know that had done a lot of bad stuff, way beyond what I could imagine.  The thought of making that big a sacrifice is a bit beyond my little pea brain to comprehend.  But, God did it, making it possible for you and I to be cleansed of our sins – no matter how big or how small. 

Sadly, I get so wrapped up in what I’d like to get done in the house, out in the yard, and in the world (like decorating, making cookies, shopping, wrapping gifts, caroling, gifting, parties, etc.) that on Christmas day, when I should be having the biggest celebration ever, all I feel is frazzled, disappointed and frustrated.  Not to mention all the aches and pains my poor failing body is screaming at me to do something about.

So, today, after a crazy day yesterday of making myself and everyone around me want to shoot me, I’m determined that I will appreciate the miracle of my 2 year old grandson, and his wonder at the Christmas tree, all lit up and with presents underneath it as he came down the stairs (“Oh! Ma! Wow!”), and try to feel that sense of wonder in the blessings that I have right here in my house: my husband, my daughter and grandson, my wonderful, loving kitty, and all the comforts of home, regardless how shabby, or unpacked they may be.  I will call my extended family members to wish them a Merry Christmas, I will make the Christmas meal, I will welcome our guests of friends and family, and I will NOT make myself crazy – except crazy happy that I have a God who loves me so much.

Merry Christmas!

Today I Wannabe...Financially Comfortable

Whew, I just looked at all the bills due in November, and then I looked at the bank statement, and all I could think of is, HOW? 

Although I've spent a large part of my life being poor, somehow, I never get used to it.  It's not that I want to be rich...I'm not greedy, after all.  It's just that I'd like to be comfortable.  You know, like, "Hey, let's go out to dinner tonight!"  without having to worry about how the electric will get paid, or if there will be enough money in the month for groceries.  Some days this living poor really gets me down.

So!  I've been told that I live with an attitude of scarcity.  That's probably true.  I always know there just isn't any more where that came from.  BUT, I'd like to cultivate an attitude of plenty.  That means that I need to think about always having enough.  That no matter what the budget says, or the bank statement says, there will always be enough.  It's a change in my way of thinking and acting.  Instead of saying "I can't afford it", I need to think, "I can afford it if I really need it."  Which then begs the question: "Do I really need it?" and the answer is usually: "Nope, I have enough."  Of course, actually starting to think like this requires a tremendous amount of effort on my part, as I have had this attitude of scarcity for most of my 47 years (yikes!).

In addition to making an attempt to change my attitude of scarcity to an attitude of plenty, I'm also going to make an attempt to save.  Because if I have enough, than surely I can save, right?  (This is where I get the heebie jeebies and start to panic...)  So, I have to keep reminding myself that I have enough.  Yup, that's my new mantra:  "I have enough", "I have enough", "I have enough", ("I HAVE ENOUGH GOSH DARN IT!!!!", said through gritted teeth and strained facial muscles...).

So, here we go....I have enough, I have enough, I have enough...
 

Today I Wannabe...Migraine Free

Today is day two of a cluster migraine. 

I'm not very happy that I suffer from migraines.  I don't suppose anyone actually set out one day and thought to themselves: "self, I think we should start having migraines!".  Some days I wonder though, as these migraines have developed, seemingly all by themselves, with absolutely no desire or provocation from me!  Lo and behold, one day, I just started having migraines.  And then, once they built up a head of steam, they just decided to stay!  Yup, in the first year, I went for 7 months with hardly a day without a migraine.  I actually had to quit my job.  It's not a good thing to make mistakes at work when you work in the legal field! 

So, into the world of the migraine meanies I (and my poor aching head) dove one day.  Now, five years later, I still suffer.  I have been through almost every test known to the medical world for headaches, including a brain scan to make sure I didn't have a tumor (no matter WHAT my kids may have thought!), or some other crazy thing going on in my head.  Well, I did have a couple of crazy things going on in there, like a sinus polyp the size of a large cranberry or small clementine, and a few other miscellaneous "thingies".  After they carved me like a pumpkin (aka sinus surgery), they decided that I had allergies, and/or extreme sinus sensitivity.  Oh boy.  Do I get to pick the diagnosis???  You know, like there's a bunch of ideas written on scraps of paper and dropped into a paper bag and I'm supposed to close my eyes and reach in and pick one?  Well, I suppose it depends on the day.  I DO have allergies and I DO have extreme sinus sensitivity.  Oh, and I have stress, and muscle spasms, and spinal injuries, and spinal surgeries, and....  yeah, that's what I thought. 

Migraines are still a mystery to most of the medical world.  Partly because no two migraine sufferers have the same symptoms, or react to the same drugs and treatments in the same way. Just my luck.  Fortunately, I DO now have a terrific migraine specialist who is helping me find some ways to treat these meanies (aka migraines), and one or two of them seem to be helping.  I am currently experiencing less migraines in a month - instead of 20 some days of headaches, I am down to about 6 or 7 days.  Now, however, they seem to be closer together and of a much stronger caliber.  Yeah!  And, Bummer!    I guess it's progress though, and who knows, I might be lucky and STOP having them when I get done going through menopause.  Oh yeah, menopause.....that's the subject for another day's Wannabe!