Today I Wannabe...different.

This month I am working hard at being positive and viewing life from a perspective of abundance rather than lack.  Sadly, this is not something that happens overnight.  It's a whole paradigm shift...changing my way of thinking and acting.  It sounds like a really great idea, and seems like it shouldn't be that hard.  It is unfortunate that change is so hard.  Strangely enough, change is all around us: the seasons change, the weather changes, people change, circumstances change, even the days of the week change!  But the hardest thing of all is to change yourself.  I want to change, I need to change, I WILL change!  It is not, however, easy, no matter how much determination I have, or how disciplined I may be.

I want so much to be out of pain.  But this requires change.  Change in my eating habits, change in my movements, even a change in my attitude.  Even with all of those things changing, my body does not respond as quickly as I would like.  The eating habit change makes me cranky, the movement change actually hurts more, and because of the first two, my attitude is pretty stuck in being depressed and disappointed.  Whew.  I know that change takes time.  I did not get this heavy overnight.  My body did not fail overnight, and certainly, my mindset and attitude did not develop overnight.  BUT I WANT IT NOW!  I am impatient!  I do not want to have to deal with any of this crap even one more day.  Not one more day, or minute, or second.

Over the years I have read a lot of material on change.  One of the things that stuck with me is that "change is never comfortable".  Well, that's certainly true!  And, "change and growth do not happen unless you are UNcomfortable".  Oh great.  So, more discomfort for change?  Crap! Not what I wanted to hear!  But, I DO want to change my circumstances, my attitude, and myself.  So, if that's what I want, I have to continue to make small changes daily in my eating, moving, and thinking.   I will continue to work toward the goals I set for myself this year, and know that though it may seem like nothing is changing, it really is.  I wouldn't be this uncomfortable if it wasn't.

So, another day working on change....and hoping it gets easier!

Today I Wannabe...grateful.

I spend so much time worrying about things in my life that I either cannot change, or have not changed for some reason.  This really gets me nowhere, since I usually end up being depressed about these things, and then I worry more because I'm depressed.  A vicious little circle.  It can often consume my whole day until I end up getting nothing done and changing nothing because I am overwhelmed by all that I want to change. One of my New Year's goals is to work on myself, and reading "Simple Abundance" daily is one of them.  Interestingly enough, the thoughts of change and determination to change this year and make it a better one for myself correspond with the "Simple Abundance" entry for today.  Sarah Ban Breathnach says: "When I surrendered my desire for security and sought serenity instead I looked at my life with open eyes."  She's talking about focusing on what she has rather than what she lacks.  This is right in line with my desire to live and think abundantly instead of in scarcity, and also with my desire for inner peace and serenity.  Her answer to this is to be grateful for the things in her life that matter.  So here I am this morning thinking about what I am grateful for.

There is so much to be grateful for right in my own home.  My husband, my daughter and grandson, my wonderful cat who is constantly loving and affectionate, and even the basic needs, a roof over my head, heat when it's cold, food in the pantry, and running water and electricity.  And, although we may be late on payments for some of these things, they, nonetheless, exist right now.  I want to feel grateful for all of them rather than worried about how I'm going to pay the utility bills and how I'll make dinner tonight.  Because, one way or another, things usually work out.  And, to that end, I'm taking a financial seminar designed to create peace in that area of my life.  It's a little scary to think about all the things that I need to change, but I am so tired of living pay check to pay check and always worrying about how we'll get through.  Back to my mantra:  we will have enough, we will have enough, we will have enough.

I will be grateful, and I will appreciate all that I have and all that I am capable of doing.  I fret sometimes since I am currently not working, and therefore contributing an income. But, instead of fretting, I should just be glad that I have the ability to handle the bills, to take care of the home, to make dinner, to do the laundry, and the rest of the things that I can do.  I need to remember that although my physical limitations are frustrating and painful, I CAN do quite a bit that may be beyond some folks.

So here I am, going into today with a heart full of gratitude and a positive outlook, knowing that I can live abundantly with what I already have.

Today I Wannabe...Resolved

Re-solved: Adjective   /riˈzälvd/   /-ˈzôlvd/; Firmly determined to do something

Synonyms: 

adjective: determined, resolute, decided, firm, set, purposeful, decisive

 

 It is common practice in our country to make New Year's Resolutions.  I have not done so for many years.  Mainly because I usually don't keep them.  Big surprise, I know!  I think I set my expectations too high, my goals too lofty.  I can never quite keep them, or manage to reach them.

 

This year, I decided to set some resolutions anyway.  I am going to set goals that I think are reachable.  Some short term, some just working on things I need to change. I am resolved to accomplish them!

 

So, Welcome 2011, and here are my New Year's Resolutions:

Spend more time in church and reading the bible.  This is the most important resolution this year.  I find that when I am not reading the bible regularly, and am not in church often, I feel like I am missing something.  My faith is a very important part of my life, and when I neglect it, I fell less than fulfilled.  It's easy to get out of the habit of bible study and church attendance.  There are always other things to do, and getting up on a Sunday morning without pain is a rare occurence.  This year, I am determined to work through my pain and reasons for not attending/reading. 

Be more social.  I have spent the last two years since moving to Colorado dealing with headaches, chronic pain, and depression.  My father died two years ago this month, and it took a huge toll on me.  I am a social creature, but while grieving the loss of my dad, I became a bit of a hermit.  My world got awfully small.  Then, after I started peri-menopause, I began to be unable to sleep at night.  Oh great, as if I didn't have enough to deal with!  Thank goodness for Facebook.  For quite a while I spent many hours in the middle of the night wiling away the darkness on Facebook.  I am very grateful for all of the folks that humored me, and talked with me, played games with me in the early morning hours.

Be a better steward of my finances.  Recently the pastor of my church did a sermon series on being more content, and having enough.  This fell right in line with my desire to live a life of abundance rather than scarcity.  And, interestingly enough, that same church is now offering a class for getting a handle on my finances.  I am very excited about this.  I really hate living paycheck to paycheck, and am looking forward to, if not having more money, managing it better.  I have never really learned how to budget.  I know that's a bit shocking considering that I'm nearing 50. But, I think that's a really good reason to learn it now!  The age of retirement is not far in the future, but at the rate I'm going, I'm going to have to work till I drop because I don't have anything set aside for retirement. So, for the next 13 weeks I'm going to be learning a new skill.  I have always loved learning, so this should be right up my alley!

Procrastinate Less.  One of my worst habits is procrastination.  This has long been one of my weaknesses, and in the last several years dealing with chronic pain has actually made it worse.  This is one of my resolutions that may not actually be completable, but is one that I can make great strides towards being better about.

Work on me.  A good friend gave me the book "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach many years ago.  I have not read it for several years.  It is a book of daily readings about living simply, yet abundantly, and learning to love yourself.  I am determined to make time daily for this book, and for a companion book: Moving On.  This book goes through your house room by room and helps you to clear out, and basically "move on".  I am sure that I have become stuck in rut in many ways, and I would like to change that rut!  The last time I read through Simple Abundance and put many of it's principles in to practice, I became much happier with my life...and then met my husband, after 13 years of being alone.  Hmmmmm. Sounds like there might be something to this!

So, that's the list.  So far in the first 9 days of 2011 I am feeling succcessful.  I went to a scrapbooking crop on the 1st, I went to church on the 2nd, I've been reading my Simple Abundance, I attended the first meeting of the financial seminar, and I have made plans to go to lunch with a friend this week, as well as attending another scrapbooking crop.  I have scrapbooked 5 pages, and am working on an outfit for my second grandchild who is expected the first week in February.

I am feeling pretty good about the list so far, and will update as 2011 progresses!  

 

(Tune in next time to find out if Sally Scrapbooker completes 3 layouts, and what gossip Sunny Socialite hears at lunch on Wednesday!)