Today I Wannabe...different.

This month I am working hard at being positive and viewing life from a perspective of abundance rather than lack.  Sadly, this is not something that happens overnight.  It's a whole paradigm shift...changing my way of thinking and acting.  It sounds like a really great idea, and seems like it shouldn't be that hard.  It is unfortunate that change is so hard.  Strangely enough, change is all around us: the seasons change, the weather changes, people change, circumstances change, even the days of the week change!  But the hardest thing of all is to change yourself.  I want to change, I need to change, I WILL change!  It is not, however, easy, no matter how much determination I have, or how disciplined I may be.

I want so much to be out of pain.  But this requires change.  Change in my eating habits, change in my movements, even a change in my attitude.  Even with all of those things changing, my body does not respond as quickly as I would like.  The eating habit change makes me cranky, the movement change actually hurts more, and because of the first two, my attitude is pretty stuck in being depressed and disappointed.  Whew.  I know that change takes time.  I did not get this heavy overnight.  My body did not fail overnight, and certainly, my mindset and attitude did not develop overnight.  BUT I WANT IT NOW!  I am impatient!  I do not want to have to deal with any of this crap even one more day.  Not one more day, or minute, or second.

Over the years I have read a lot of material on change.  One of the things that stuck with me is that "change is never comfortable".  Well, that's certainly true!  And, "change and growth do not happen unless you are UNcomfortable".  Oh great.  So, more discomfort for change?  Crap! Not what I wanted to hear!  But, I DO want to change my circumstances, my attitude, and myself.  So, if that's what I want, I have to continue to make small changes daily in my eating, moving, and thinking.   I will continue to work toward the goals I set for myself this year, and know that though it may seem like nothing is changing, it really is.  I wouldn't be this uncomfortable if it wasn't.

So, another day working on change....and hoping it gets easier!